How to control your anger in relationship

How to Control Your Anger and Instantly Calm Your Mind

how to control your anger in relationship

Anger is not a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail. Anger is an If the anger is your own, then it follows that you are in control. Accept. We're always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of. Think before speaking. While it may feel easy and gratifying to let your anger out, think before saying your.

The above situations are representative of the mundane resentments in life that lead to overriding marital problems when not handled with effective communication. Left unchecked over time, resentment will lead to anger in relationships, which takes enormous emotional resources to undo. Better to deal with resentment than let it spiral out of control.

  • How to Control Your Anger and Instantly Calm Your Mind
  • Acknowledging and dealing with anger
  • The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger? If it were easy, no one would need to talk about it much.

How can we feel empathy, and how can we act empathic, to the partners we resent? Here are 7 top tips: Count to ten before speaking. This will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something you will regret. Surprisingly, this makes the experience of those feelings actually diminish. For one, hug, and do have sex. Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help.

In fact, some marriage counselors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day.

Anger Management

The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment. Meet on a bridge. This can be metaphorical and also realistic. In order to actualize this place of mutual understanding, one idea is to literally go to a bridge nearby. It stems from an internal sense of dissatisfaction you have within yourself. This form of anger is often unhealthy and can cause a lot of internal turmoil and instability.

It harms you, and can also harm other people when it is directed at them out of frustration. However, some forms of self-directed anger can actually be helpful and productive.

Here you become overwhelmed with having too much to do, with having too little time, and often resulting in high levels of stress and anxiety. This form of anger is often expressed through shouting. Here you are feeling angry and frustrated with yourself for one or more reasons. You might, for instance, be held back from something you want to do, be or have.

As a result, you express your anger aggressively in the form of defiance, through trouble-making, or by causing physical harm to another person. Here your anger comes as a result of paranoia. You are paranoid that something might happen. This might, for instance, arise from intimidation.

And as a result, you become very defensive and try to protect yourself, which manifests in angry outbursts. Here you are constantly angry. You are angry just because… Self-Inflicted Anger: Here you are angry in order to punish yourself for something you did or failed to do. You might have for instance made a mistake and as a result, you are angry at yourself.

You might even go to great lengths to abuse yourself and possibly punish yourself because of this mistake.

how to control your anger in relationship

This is the only form of anger that actually makes sense. This form of anger is often expressed via protests. However, it can also be expressed in other ways. For instance, you might purposefully choose to be angry to get a point across to a customer service representative. Or you might purposefully become angry to teach your kids a lesson.

This is all a constructive and helpful form of anger that can benefit everyone concerned. How have I experienced each of these types of anger?

how to control your anger in relationship

Why have I experienced these types of anger? What specifically triggered these angry feelings? Is it reasonable to respond this way?

Could I have responded another way? How have these angry outbursts hurt me? How have these angry outbursts hurt other people? How could I have better managed these moments of anger? How will I do things differently in the future? Managing your anger will become far easier and simpler once you understand and familiarize yourself with how anger tends to manifest in your life. You might of course not have all the answers right now to control your responses. However, with a little effort and time, you can certainly re-condition yourself to begin responding to circumstances in far more positive and productive ways.

How to Better Manage Your Anger No matter how much work you put into managing your emotions, there will certainly be times throughout your life when something unexpected will happen and this will immediately raise your internal temperature gauge. You go from feeling somewhat uncomfortable, to being a little agitated, and then inevitably to feeling angry.

During moments such as these, you could flip-out, lose your cool and vent your frustrations and anger on the unsuspecting world. Or you could learn to control your emotions and instead project them in more constructive and appropriate ways. Go back to the signs and symptoms of anger and recognize how they are beginning to manifest in your life. The earlier you are able to identify these changes, the more likely you are to ward off these feelings and choose a different and more appropriate response.

What specifically within your environment, or within yourself stirred your emotions the wrong way? Finally, acknowledge that you have a weakness. There are certain limitations within your personality that are causing you to feel and respond in a certain way.

Acknowledging these habits and tendencies will allow you to begin the process of change. Remove yourself physically by walking away and taking some time to clear your head.

Keep Yourself Calm and Collected Your next step is to calm yourself down emotionally. You can successfully calm yourself down by listening to relaxing music, by using affirmations, by counting backward from 10, by breathing deeply, by visualizing a calming scene within your imagination, etc. There are plenty of ways to calm down. Through trial and error, you will determine what works best in your situation.

Once you are calm and centered, remind yourself about your goals in this particular situation: What were you hoping to gain? Also, have a think about your most important values. These are the things that you are working toward. And these are the things that you might purposefully sabotage if you lose your cool. Also remind yourself about the importance of staying calm under pressure, about the importance of maintaining good social relations with others, and about finding the strength within yourself to respond appropriately and intelligently.

What am I hoping to gain from the situation? What goals am I hoping to achieve? What values do I hold close to my heart? Why is it important for me to maintain a cool and level head?

These questions will lay down the foundations for the next stage in this process. Evaluate the Situation Now comes time to knuckle down and evaluate the situation and evaluate your internal environment your mindset. Have a think about your personal standards and the expectations you are bringing into this situation.

Maybe one or more of your standards have not been met? Maybe your expectations are unrealistic? Or just maybe one of your rules has been broken? The purpose of this evaluation is to train yourself to proactively respond to events, people, and circumstances in an effective and rational manner.

You are no longer going to allow your emotions to get the best of you. Instead, you will look at the situation from a variety of angles and perspectives, and then pick the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward. Consider that you might not be seeing the full picture, and accept the fact that you might actually be wrong and could very well have made a mistake.

Be open to the possibilities, and above all else, be truthful with your responses. Why am I feeling angry about this? Is my anger justified, appropriate and acceptable? Have I possibly misread this situation? Are things the way I make them out to be? Am I making any assumptions about things?

How else could I potentially view this situation? How could I potentially deal with this without feeling angry? How could viewing things this way be helpful? What is actually good about this situation? Will this incident even matter next week, next month, next year?

Answering these questions honestly will force you to consider alternate perspectives and possibilities. This will help you acknowledge that the situation might not be as clear-cut as you originally made it out to be. And hopefully, this acknowledgment will allow you to select the most appropriate response moving forward.

Choose Appropriate Response Your next task is to take everything you have worked through so far into consideration, and then select the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward. The response you choose must have long-term payoffs and should support the greater good of all concerned.

And this could very well mean that you still choose to project your anger if you feel that this is the most appropriate response in this situation. However, this will no longer be an uncontrolled form of anger. It will instead be a form of constructive anger that can help you get what you want most effectively. You can, for instance, release the anger and move on without getting emotionally wrapped up in the situation.

Or you can instead choose to avoid the situation altogether. Alternately you can choose to control your anger in a productive way to help influence the outcome of the situation. Or finally, you can choose to redirect your anger onto other things. This will help you release your pent-up emotions, but will not affect the situation in a negative way.

Each of these four options can potentially help you to work through the situation successfully without creating emotional mayhem. Evaluate Your Response After things have settled down and the moment has passed, take time to evaluate how you responded to the situation and the impact that this had on you, on others, and on the events and circumstances, you were dealing with.

How did I respond?

How to Control Anger in a Relationship (with Pictures) - wikiHow

What specifically did I do? Did I manage my anger effectively? Am I satisfied with how I behaved? Was anger required in this instance? How did my response affect other people? How did my response influence the circumstances? Without forgiveness, you will wallow in self-pity and will most likely continue making the same mistakes over and over again.

Once you have forgiven yourself, open yourself up to the possibility of taking the time to learn from this experience — to gain the most value and feedback from every situation. What can I learn from this experience?

how to control your anger in relationship

In retrospect, could I have managed things differently? How will I do things better the next time around? How must I prepare myself physically and mentally to take these important steps? Now have a think about the worst-case scenario. What if you had lost complete control over your emotions and things ended up in a very sad and depressing place? Have a think about the potential consequences of anger in this particular situation by asking yourself: What would be the consequences of losing control of my emotions in this situation?

How could this have potentially hurt me? How could this have potentially hurt others? How could my anger have potentially affected other areas of my life in the short and long-term? How would all this make me feel?

It will certainly help you put the consequences of your actions into perspective. And in the end, how you choose to respond to events, people and circumstances is always your choice to make.

how to control your anger in relationship

So be sure to choose wisely. This process will undoubtedly take some effort. You will need to be patient and open the possibilities. And most importantly, you will need to be willing to make some changes and adjustments to your lifestyle — changes to the way you do things on a daily basis. Here are some suggestions to get you started: Make Time for Yourself Making time for yourself is important because it gives you critical moments to think and reflect on your life and circumstances.

When you begin the process of self-reflection you suddenly open yourself up to more possibilities and alternate perspectives.

Anger In Relationships: How To Deal With Anger Triggers

Making time for yourself might mean taking time to exercise to help release anger and frustration. It might mean listening to some calming and relaxing music throughout the day to help you gather your thoughts. It could also mean taking time to meditate, visualize and reflect on things, on your behavior, habits and emotional responses. Likewise, a simple stroll in the park can also be quite helpful and will give you time to reflect and acknowledge the beauty all around you.

There are so many things to feel grateful for and so many things to appreciate about life. A little gratitude, appreciation, and love always soothe an angry heart. Manage Sources of Anger There will always be certain things, specific people, and particular environments that will tend to trigger uncomfortable and irritating feelings of anger. This is particularly important during the early stages of working through your emotional tendencies.

Anger Management -

Dealing with multiple situations that trigger your anger throughout the day or week can become very overwhelming very quickly. Avoid Dwelling on Mistakes Everyone makes mistakes.

You will make mistakes. You will fall back to old uncontrollable habits, and patterns of behavior. New habits are not built overnight, they are built with some dedication, persistence, patience, and effort over time.