Created To Be His Helpmeet: Discovering the Dangers ~ Alicia A. Willis
The second chapter of Paul's letter to Titus commands older women to take Created To Be His Help Meet is not entirely bad, of course, and. Book – Debi Pearl's book for married ladies was first published 10 years ago. In that time Created to Be His Help Meet has blessed many lives. Created to Be His Help Meet, by author Debi Pearl, is one of these marriage manuals, and is especially popular in The Command Man Tames the Shrew, pp.
I am not saying they she didn't bear any of the responsibility, because she did, but I am appalled at how that scenario was turned so that the Pearls could prove just how evil women are. Another thing that really bothered me was the twisting of Deborah.
Certainly not God, for He had delivered the victory into the hands of a woman Jael because of Barak's ungodly response to Deborah's instruction!
I don't know if his response "I will not go unless you are with me" is cowardly or scoffing her, I haven't figured that out, but it is obvious that God was displeased with BARAK, not Deborah. Also, she is great at advising women to go to their husbands with their emotional needs and I wholeheartedly agree, but warns that spending too much time with women and getting close may result in you becoming a lesbian she didn't use that word, but she definitely alluded to it, I would get the direct quote but I threw the book away as soon as I was done.
Jesus said that the world would know who we are by our love for each other, and he didn't seem at all worried that a deep love for fellow sisters or brothers would become something unnatural perverted. There was some advice that was given that absolutely scared me. One was advising women who were feeling pain during intercourse to suck it up meet your husband's needs Any pain during what is a normal bodily function means that there is something wrong, not that you need to deny yourself, merrily pretend there is nothing wrong and get through it.
Another thing that bothered me is a woman was confessing that her husband was breaking into cars and having her stand guard. Debi's advice was to call the cops and turn him in How about confessing herself since she was helping?
These would be biblical and godly instructions. Another thing - and this is the last one, I promise - she instructs women to visit their husbands in jail who have molested their children There is a time for forgiveness, there is a time for confronting your offender, and yes he is their father, but this turned my stomach and it's in knots writing this.
Making an innocent child visit and pretend everything is okay with the man who tarnished and stole their innocence Don't bad mouth the man, but don't bring him jailbait either. The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride.
If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things beyond how to make an appeal. Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow—his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.
Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Thomas Edison, though not recognized as such, was great after his th failure to make a light bulb.
If the light bulb had never worked and the plane had never flown, and no one remembered their names today; they would have been the same men, and their lives would have still been just as full and their days just as challenging.
Did their wives think them great when they used their last dime on another failed idea? Without her, he feels alone. This guy will be a little hard to live with at first. Big, wild fights are the usual beginnings, if a nice, normal girl who had a Mr.
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They will either have a bitter divorce she divorces him in the first few years, or she will decide to learn to appreciate him, because he is really rather lovable. I get very few letters from wives married to these high-strung, going-to-reinvent-the-wheel men. I do get lots of letters from their mothers-in-law, asking us to write and straighten out their sons-in-law. Some of these guys talk with glowing enthusiasm and animation. If you are married to one, he loves to tell you about his newest idea, and he wants your enthusiastic support, not a critique of his idea.
He will look at his idea more critically later, but for the moment, the idea itself is invigorating to him. Learn to Enjoy the Trip Several years back, a newlywed couple decided to take a bicycle road trip for their honeymoon.
They had the map all worked out and the bikes and camping gear ready. After riding for a couple days, the young wife noticed that her good husband was going the wrong way. She stopped him and tried to show him on the map that he had veered off the course. She had always been endowed with a natural ability to read maps and knew exactly where they were.
He was not so gifted and argued that she was dead wrong and insisted that they were headed the right way. Later that day, when he did discover that he had indeed taken the wrong road, he brushed it off and blamed the signs or gave some plausible reason.
Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Again he took the wrong road, and she argued with him. He kept correcting their course, but they were not getting anywhere by its shortest route. She let him know his error. He knew he was right, and if not exactly right, then he was as right as could be expected under the circumstances, and criticism was not welcomed.
What could she do? The young wife was not pleased with the way they were relating, and she reasoned to herself that this could become the pattern for the rest of their lives. They were taking this trip to be together, not to get somewhere in particular.
God, in his mercy and grace, gave this sweet young wife a new heart. She decided to follow him down any road he chose, without question or second guessing. So she cheerfully began to enjoy the beautiful day and the glory of being young and in love as she continued to pedal her bike down a road that was taking them to where every marriage ought to go, even though it was not according to the map.
She started her marriage right, following him wherever he led, regardless of whether she thought it was the right direction or not. She has been flexible and is enjoying her ride. Someday, when her husband is assured that he can trust her with his heart, he will let her be his navigator—and still take the credit for it. The moral to this story is: If you are married to the Visionary Man, learn to enjoy the trip, for if he ever does make a better light bulb, he will want you to be the one who turns it on for the first time in public.
It will be your face he looks into to see the marvel of what a great thing he has done. You are his most important fan. When you know your man really needs you, you can be happy with just about anything.
Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy—then you may be married to Mr. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream.
Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. The world needs the Visionary Man, for he is the one who seeks out hypocrisy and injustice and slays the dragons.
He calls himself and those around him to a higher standard. He knows how to do nearly everything and is readily willing to advise others. In time, he will be quite accomplished in more than one thing. The Steady Man God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest—like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image.
We will call him Mr. Visionary, but he will be the one to build the factory and manage the assembly line that produces the light bulb and the airplane. He does not jump to the front of the plane to take a razor knife away from a terrorist, unless he is encouraged to do so by Mr.
Created to Be His Help Meet
He would never lead a revolution against the government or the church. He will quietly ignore hypocrisy in others. He will selflessly fight the wars that Mr.
Visionary starts and Mr. He builds the oil tankers and farms the soil, quietly raises his family, content to let his wife do it her way. As a general rule, he will be faithful till the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in for the last 40 or 50 years. Older women who are divorced and have learned by their mistakes know the value of peace and safety and they will long for a nice steady man of his stature, but these men are rarely available—unless their foolish wife leaves them.
These men are content with the wife of their youth. Joys and Tribulations Being married to him has its rewards and its trials.
On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to the Visionary Man look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable.
The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. One of his weaknesses is the lack of pressure or expectations that exist in the family. Without expectations, goals, and new mountains to climb, a wife may not experience the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat.
Everything is so-so, day-in and day-out. When you are married to a man who is steady and average, and you have a bit of the romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority and make firm decisions. His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no rapture in him, just a slow, steady climb, with no bells or whistles.
You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church, or that he would be firm in child discipline.
He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making. He is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible. He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity.
Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. The trials he seems to cause you are really your discontented responses to what you consider to be his shortcomings. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy. This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadies fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.
Created To Be His Help Meet ~ An Open Letter to Debi Pearl | Guest Contributor
When a woman is married to a bossy, dominant man, people marvel that she is willing to serve him without complaint, so she comes out looking like a wonderful woman of great patience and sacrifice. A woman married to the impulsive Visionary Man who puts the family through hardships, will stir amazement in everyone. But if you are married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man, and you are just a little bit selfish, then you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew.
He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be.
The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God.
If he ever speaks of how he does feel, he will most likely tear up.
Created to be His Help Meet
He wants to please you. You will not need to learn how to make an appeal to him, because your husband is all too willing to hear you. If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience.
Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Pray for your husband to have wisdom. When a woman writes to ask Pearl how to deal with a husband who idolizes television and allows their young children to view inappropriate shows, Pearl responds by telling her to imagine the day her husband leaves her.
The young children will cry when you leave for work, and the older children will be glad to see you go so they can exercise their new found liberties. If you continue to dishonor your husband, the above scenario will likely become our own personal nightmare—soon! It got worse when he wanted you to do something exotic sexually.
Divorce is never planned, but is almost always preceded by certain avoidable reactive behavior and events. Do you know who created you, and do you know he is the same God who expects you to freely give sex to your husband? She is a harsh, critical and angry person and this ugly tone pervades this book. Where is the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control that ought to mark the Christian, and especially the Christian mentor?
Who would want their wife or their daughter or anyone else to be mentored by a harsh, graceless, angry person like Debi Pearl? Foolish Counsel Much of what Pearl teaches in this book comes via answers to letters she has received. She consistently offers poor, even shocking, counsel in her return letters.