Needs, Wants and Deal-Breakers | Asking for What You Want
A client once came to me with a long list of requirements another coach needs that must be met by the person you are in relationship with. In a previous relationship help article (Relationship Needs: Are Your Below is a list of relationship needs to help you begin the process of. Below is a list of human needs as they relate to romantic and interpersonal relationships. If you are interested in gaining a greater.
I suspect that part of the reason that we confuse the two so easily is because our culture teaches us to be impulsive and listens to our urges. Advertising, marketing and music are constantly trying to reveal areas where we are deficient so that we believe that we need their product.
Our relationships are not immune to these messages. We constantly feel like we need to be having more sex, be flawless looking for our partners, and are left with an aching feeling that we will never be enough. We have all of these muddled beliefs and expectations about what we need.
These needs are largely shaped by the media and relationships we have observed, whether in real life or on the television screen. Beyond that, we are also taught to just listen to our feelings, thoughts and impulses, which are often misleading.
Needs, Wants and Deal-Breakers
Impulses guide us in the moment, which may not always be helpful when trying to build a long-term committed relationship. Here are some critical thinking questions that can help you reality check whether your desire or impulse is a need or a want. You can stop and ask yourself: Is this something that I need in my relationship in order to be satisfied?
Is this something that I can live without? Is this a requirement for a healthy relationship?
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
Am I being impulsive? Have I seen this modeled in a real life relationship? What tells me or shows me that I need this in my relationship? Additionally, here are the links to some helpful worksheets I found online that will assist you in discovering what your true relationship needs really are. It is common for us to subconsciously place blame for our not being happy. The target of the blame could be ourselves, our partner, our parents — just about anyone or anything.
Only when we know what our needs are can we know whether or not they are being met. If something feels wrong in our relationship or we notice we are acting in a destructive way toward the relationship, this is a good time to go over our needs list and see if there is an unmet need.
Your Needs List: Rock Your Relationship - Dr. Peter Borten, LAc, DAOM
Our needs list is also a valuable tool if we are ever having trouble determining whether a relationship will work for us. For instance, if we can see that our partner meets all our needs or is at least genuinely working with us to help us get all our needs met, yet something irritates us about them, this gives us perspective: When making a needs list, it is helpful to discriminate between needs and wants.
A want would be a nice enhancement to the relationship, but is not a requirement. Examples of personal needs could be: Keep personal needs off your relationship needs list you may want to make a separate personal needs list, if this appeals to you.
List of Relationship Needs
As you practice self-inquiry and refine your needs list, you may get increasingly specific about certain needs. This only happens when there is a willingness to turn frustration into growth. Below is a list of needs ideas. Take a look at them and see if any resonate with you.
What have you learned about yourself through relationships?